florida

so here i am in florida, a wonderful land of humidity, sunshine, and mold.

my friend, ashley, and I have come here for the past two summers to visit her lovely mother, susan, in tampa. As I stepped off the airplane here in tampa, i imagined scenes of wonderful white sand beaches, sunglasses, and delicious seafood. what i got was quite different to say the least.

I'd like to indulge in a little tangent to speak about one subject:

airplanes- what I now call germ boxes. You sit in a metal flying box (which is terrifyingly defiant of mother nature) with two hundred other people... SOMEONE's gotta have some terrible cold or something... then they suck up the air, "filter" it... which is basically passing it through a coffee filter, and shoot it right back out at your face germs and all.

So after arriving at tampa, sunbathing... sunburning, and visiting a friend of susan's i promptly defy gravity and CAPSIZE their BRAND NEW JET SKI...

fuck.

Then... later that night when all the commotion was over and everyone had decided that this little incident was a hillarious thing of the past, i start getting a sore throat.

double fuck.

This little annoyance may seem insignificant but let me tell you, if I get a sore throat i will MOST CERTAINLY get sick...

None the less I prayed and hoped that it was just a little silly thing that would pass.

Failsauce.

The next day I woke up with a raging sore throat, a migrane, plugged nose, and body aches. I have not gotten sick in the past YEAR... now!? on VACATION!?

To save the very best for last... my 21st birthday fell on this vacation... and I was sick.

WHAT did I do to deserve this?!!?!!?!?!?!

Miss susan and ashley were understanding (thank god) of my freak cold and were very nice to me, even took me to buy a shit ton of cold medicine.

Tomorrow we board another two germ boxes to get home.... I'm recovering (thank God) and will get to go home to see my lovely boyfriend and family.

guhhhhhhh

so far

So here's the deal so far:

Junior year of college... 18 units, part time job, full time internship.

For the love of God can it get any crazier?!


Developing into a sheik designer has never been tougher... especially since I am ANYTHING but sheik.

Oh well

Things of note

Things that may interest my dear little blog stalkers... or lack thereof.

Cosmo's Sex Position of the Day

Our dear little horny galz at Cosmo have put together a collection on tantalizingly twisted sex positions for our bedroom enjoyment. I assure you, it's worth a looksie... seriously. Trust me.


StumbleUpon.com
We all know that time after time, when the day gets terribly boring we turn to the ol' world wide webfucker to amuse us. So what do we do? Surf GoogleScholar for educational articles? Eff no. Stumble upon allows users to select interests such as cooking or motorcylces, and at the click of a cute lil' button, you get to stumble across the whole web for new and interesting sites. Like it? Coolio- pull a pandora and click the thumbs up: Stumbleupon will save every page you say you like.

Spring break

Well well well...
Spring break is here!
Might as well buy my plane ticket down to mexico to get FUUUUCKKEED UPPPPPPP in my bikini, because we all know how hott my new six pack is... gotta have been from all the sex and awesomely effective working out i've been doing....

BULLLL- first of all, mexico is not for me. I prefer to leave the things i eat in my stomach after sipping tapwater.
Second of all- I dont wanna get "FUUUCCCCKEED UPPPP" because we all know that the fat kids in college get fat for one or both of the following: 1 dorm/cheap college food or 2 beer/booze. I already have a big enough issue with my big fat ass that I don't need to add eight 200 calorie bottles of fermented wheat juice to my list of things i've eaten today.
Third of all, i recently invested in a ONE PIECE swim suite... does that clear the mystery for anyone? I have been working out like a fiend for no results.... let me just say that again NO RESULTS. none. Still a fat ass. So, nothanks i do not want to get up on a stage, wiggle my flub around for everyone to see while some perv pours water all over some white herpes-covered shirt they gave me to me. Nope.




ps. fuck ALL of you skinny people. I hope you feel my pain one day

What about Christmas!?

SO:

every time during this time of year, in between begging for an iPhone or some equally frivolous commercially promoted product, I briefly wonder: what would Jesus think about all of this thoughtless and purely materialistic gift giving/receiving on his birthday?
First off, his mother had to give birth in a barn which sucks enough on its own. Second of all: aren't birthdays about giving gifts and good wishes to THE BIRTHDAY PERSON? But instead, we give and expect gifts to and from eachother...
Jesus must feel pretty jipped...
But before I get my head bitten off- The three men DID give Jesus gifts upon their arrival and if we are REALLY stretching it, all people of the earth are supposedly supposed to be the children of God- and therefore some weird and imperfect versions of Jesus himself... whatever.
All I'm saying is that what happened to family and happiness? I don't know about you all- but in my house, Christmas consists of my mother running rampant in the house trying to keep it clean for the looming company, my father randomly snapping at one of my siblings or me, and an all around atmosphere of COMPLETE stress because gifts are fucking expensive and the economy sucks and we might not eat for the next month.
*sigh*
Christmas was so much more fun when we believed in Santa... which, by the way, has NOTHING to do with Jesus. Can anyone say "Stranger Danger"?

oh my

my my

ever notice how when there is a major source of stress in your life, perhaps a huge project or you are in debt, you work and work and work your stressed little butt off until FINALLY
the thesis paper is done or your money is safe in the bank and you sit down and think "ahh all's well"



well it isn't.

The universe is no philanthropist, and it certainly isn't fair. Plus, let's face it: we aren't NEARLY good enough people to deserve such great karma. So, before you know it, some ass hole tboned your civic with their giant green hummer or oh look! someone made a fraudulent debit card in your name and has charged 1200 bucks for 600 yellow rubber ducks somewhere in the midwest.
so, will the imperfect-karma-deserving people of the world EVER be stress free?

nope

Texts From Last Night

Subject of the Day: Textsfromlastnight.com

An online forum at which people submit their funniest texts which they have either sent or received, preferably from "last night"
This site is, by far, one of the best sources for online comic relief. Not only can you look at strangers' texts from their crazy galavanting nights out, but you can even look up your favorite area code!

I will now provide a collection of texts that i thought were both profane and hilarious:

(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

(503): I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.

(708): either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame

(310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

(902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

(314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

(609): i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.

(757): if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby

(817): The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.

(636): we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"

(404): she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.

And my personal favorites from good ol' 925 bay areaaaaa:

(925): just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook

(925): He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"

(925): He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball

(925): im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?

(925): GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
(1-925): Wtf it's a Friday night?
(925): PRIORITIZE.