What about Christmas!?

SO:

every time during this time of year, in between begging for an iPhone or some equally frivolous commercially promoted product, I briefly wonder: what would Jesus think about all of this thoughtless and purely materialistic gift giving/receiving on his birthday?
First off, his mother had to give birth in a barn which sucks enough on its own. Second of all: aren't birthdays about giving gifts and good wishes to THE BIRTHDAY PERSON? But instead, we give and expect gifts to and from eachother...
Jesus must feel pretty jipped...
But before I get my head bitten off- The three men DID give Jesus gifts upon their arrival and if we are REALLY stretching it, all people of the earth are supposedly supposed to be the children of God- and therefore some weird and imperfect versions of Jesus himself... whatever.
All I'm saying is that what happened to family and happiness? I don't know about you all- but in my house, Christmas consists of my mother running rampant in the house trying to keep it clean for the looming company, my father randomly snapping at one of my siblings or me, and an all around atmosphere of COMPLETE stress because gifts are fucking expensive and the economy sucks and we might not eat for the next month.
*sigh*
Christmas was so much more fun when we believed in Santa... which, by the way, has NOTHING to do with Jesus. Can anyone say "Stranger Danger"?

oh my

my my

ever notice how when there is a major source of stress in your life, perhaps a huge project or you are in debt, you work and work and work your stressed little butt off until FINALLY
the thesis paper is done or your money is safe in the bank and you sit down and think "ahh all's well"



well it isn't.

The universe is no philanthropist, and it certainly isn't fair. Plus, let's face it: we aren't NEARLY good enough people to deserve such great karma. So, before you know it, some ass hole tboned your civic with their giant green hummer or oh look! someone made a fraudulent debit card in your name and has charged 1200 bucks for 600 yellow rubber ducks somewhere in the midwest.
so, will the imperfect-karma-deserving people of the world EVER be stress free?

nope

Texts From Last Night

Subject of the Day: Textsfromlastnight.com

An online forum at which people submit their funniest texts which they have either sent or received, preferably from "last night"
This site is, by far, one of the best sources for online comic relief. Not only can you look at strangers' texts from their crazy galavanting nights out, but you can even look up your favorite area code!

I will now provide a collection of texts that i thought were both profane and hilarious:

(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

(503): I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.

(708): either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame

(310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

(902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

(314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

(609): i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.

(757): if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby

(817): The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.

(636): we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"

(404): she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.

And my personal favorites from good ol' 925 bay areaaaaa:

(925): just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook

(925): He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"

(925): He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball

(925): im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?

(925): GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
(1-925): Wtf it's a Friday night?
(925): PRIORITIZE.

So There

Greetings my little blog-stalking minions.

I realize it's been a little bit since I made my last entry, I do apologize.
Well I will explain- I'm a student at a certain California State University... if you could call it a University... more like a massive group of overaged learned people who graduated in the 1960's scrambling desperately to prepare the current generation for the modern work force of drones...

Anyhow, I happen to be a student of Graphic Design, not that I am at all prepared for the design world with our program's crew of elderly administrators who cannot operate simple applications such as e-mail or the internet (GASP!). Seeing this utter failure of modern education and being far too focused on the idea that better classes and knowledge would come along in the later parts of the program (fyi, better classes and knowledge HAVE YET to come along...) I was far too blind to see that the Graphic Design program at my school is utterly outdated. We have to go through numerous POINTLESS prerequisites in order to be eligible for later classes which are not entirely helpful to our future carreers only to take part in the public humiliation named Portfolio Review. In this ghastly class we take pieces that we have produced from previous classes to create a ten-piece portfolio to be judged by a panel of 25 ill tempered, grouchy, and picky design enthusiasts who, in my personal opinion, mostly don't know shit. (though some are exquisite designers... most are power crazed critical bastards looking for their next control seizing oportunity).
As is required to continue in the program (as it is FAR too late for me to switch majors) I am taking part in this idiocratic process of tedious presentation.
For most students, the pieces that are produced in previous prerequisite classes are rarely up to "Portfolio Parr". I was no exception.
SO, my point is that I have been busy busting ass making new pieces to show during portfolio review.

My status?
2 Photographs- check
2 Digital Design Pieces- check
2 Color Pieces- (half check)
2 Drawings- (half check)
Thumbnails- check
painfully pointless 10th Piece- ... hmmm about that

I am currently home on Thanksgiving break, frantic with stress and anticipation, with the fear that my over-achieving ass won't make my deadline and will fail this entirely hypocritical class.
So, I shall paint, draw, and assemble my way to within an inch of my sanity, because I am not a quitter...

well I'm only a quitter at things like dieting and vigorous exercise.

BUT- I will not accept Portfolio defeat, and I WILL AT LEAST show a completed portfolio which I am not [too] ashamed of.




so there.

a very important letter

Dear California,

Fuck you.
Here's my take on your action against our current money crisis:

Rob the CSU system students' of their damn educations by cutting the budget by... oh wait how much?
...

a million bucks??!?!

...

Wait that's not right....

oh

$584 million.

...5 8 4 million.

Here I am, scraping out the bottom of my peanut butter jar hoping not to have to go buy more, thinking that fifty bucks is big money and you go and rob our system of OVER 500 MILLION bucks?
What's worse is that AFTER ripping and fighting through our impossible schedules due to cut classes, fired teachers, fewer labs and equipment to use, when we are standing haggard and disgruntled in our graduation caps just about ready to gnaw off our own left pinkie for a good job, who's gonna come looking for help?

...

Oh... you are. California needs the help of the brilliant young minds of America! Help! Help!

yeah- fuck you


Love,
Elise

vengeance

Sometimes, little things come along, and I think "gee- wouldn't it be funny if I could make this happen to people i really hate?"

LAMPOON

LAMPOON:
lam-poon (noun)
a sharp, often virulent satire directed against an individual or institution; a work of literature, art, or the like, ridiculing severely the character or behavior of a person, society, etc.



Okay so, I'm not here to mess around- I'm here to write an extremely inappropriate, grammatically incorrect blog about... pretty much what I damn well please:

School, friends, enemies, love, hate, sex, music, life, work, and any and all subjects which will provide comic relief to myself or others.

So- you've had your warning, this shit ain't rated PG
so its time to nut up or shut up.