Texts From Last Night

Subject of the Day: Textsfromlastnight.com

An online forum at which people submit their funniest texts which they have either sent or received, preferably from "last night"
This site is, by far, one of the best sources for online comic relief. Not only can you look at strangers' texts from their crazy galavanting nights out, but you can even look up your favorite area code!

I will now provide a collection of texts that i thought were both profane and hilarious:

(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

(503): I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.

(708): either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame

(310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

(902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

(314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

(609): i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.

(757): if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby

(817): The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.

(636): we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"

(404): she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.

And my personal favorites from good ol' 925 bay areaaaaa:

(925): just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook

(925): He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"

(925): He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball

(925): im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?

(925): GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
(1-925): Wtf it's a Friday night?
(925): PRIORITIZE.